Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[HunterMarkus]

What do you call an honest lawyer?
An oxymoron.

 

[HunterMarkus]

What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?

The leech stops sucking you dry after you're dead.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Definition of a Lawyer: A person who puts two men into a fight and runs off with their clothes.

 

[HunterMarkus]

On vacation in Hawaii, my step- mom, Sandy, called a café to make reservations for 7 p.m. Checking her book, the cheery young hostess said, "I’m sorry, all we have is 6:45. Would you like that?"

"That’s fine," Sandy said.

"Okay," the woman confirmed. Then she added, "Just be advised you may have to wait 15 minutes for your table."

 

[HunterMarkus]

I’d rather spend ten minutes 
rearranging the dishwasher to 
accommodate something than spend 30 seconds washing it by hand.

 

[HunterMarkus]

I put so much more effort into naming my first Wi-Fi than my 
first child.

 

[HunterMarkus]

I don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.

 

[HunterMarkus]

A sign said, “Do not allow your dog to chase, 
injure, or worry wildlife.” How is a dog going to “worry” wildlife? Run up to a bird: “Hey, I think you’ve got something on your beak. It could be a tumor.”

 

[Silence]

“Just because you can’t dance doesn’t mean you shouldn’t dance.” 
—Alcohol

 

[Silence]

My girlfriend told me to take a spider out instead of killing it. We went and had some drinks. Cool guy. Wants to be a lawyer.

 

[Silence]

We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with the kids. It’s SPF 80: You squeeze the tube, and a sweater comes out.

 

[Silence]

Q: How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

 

[Silence]

Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Four: one to climb the ladder, one to hold the ladder, one to shake the ladder and one to sue the ladder company.

 

[Charles Rosamilia]

Because I am always telling Mother-in -law jokes my wife accused me of not liking Mother-in-laws. To which I replied to my wife "Ridiculous, I like your mother-in-law more than my own".

 

[hnterfl]

Some people cause happiness wherever they go... others cause happiness whenever they go.

 

[hnterfl]

Someone gave me the wrong directions to a massage parlor, and it rubbed me the wrong way.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Q: What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
A: "Put it on my bill."

 

[HunterMarkus]

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

 

[HunterMarkus]

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.