Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[HunterMarkus]

A good lawyer knows the law; a great lawyer knows the judge.

 

[HunterMarkus]

What's the difference between a lawyer and God?
God doesn't think he's a lawyer.

 

[HunterMarkus]

What do you call an honest lawyer?
An oxymoron.

 

[Kata]

After a talking sheepdog gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 accounted for.”

“But I only have 36 sheep,” says the farmer.

“I know,” says the sheepdog. “But I rounded them up.”

 

[Kata]

I tell ya, my dog is lazy. He don’t chase cars. He sits on the curb and takes down license plate numbers.

 

[Kata]

A Dachshund walks into a telegraph office, picks up a blank form, and writes: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

The clerk looks over the paper for a minute before telling the dog, “You know, there are only nine words here. You could add another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

The Dachshund shakes his head at the clerk in disbelief. “But that would make no sense at all.”

 

[Kata]

I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in 
a file named Fireworks and vacuums so my dog won’t find them.

 

[Kata]

Q: Why aren’t dogs good dancers?

A: Because they have two left feet!

 

[Kata]

A dog goes into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender says, “You don’t see a dog in here drinking a martini very often.”

The dog says, “At these prices, I’m not surprised.”

 

[Kata]

A burglar breaks into a house. He starts shining his light around looking for valuables. Some nice things catch his eye, and as he reaches for them, he hears, “Jesus is watching you.” Startled, the burglar looks for the speaker. Seeing no one, he keeps putting things in his bag, again, he hears, “Jesus is watching you.” This time, he sees a parrot.

“Who are you?” the burglar asks.

“Moses,” the bird replied.

“Who the heck would name a bird Moses?” the man laughed.

“I dunno,” Moses answered, “I guess the same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”

 

[Wheels]

In condolence to the French at this time.

 

[Wheels]

 

[Charles Rosamilia]

What do you call a thousand politicians at the bottom of the ocean? A good Start!!!

 

[Charles Rosamilia]

What the difference between a dead skunk in the middle of the road and a dead politician in the middle of the road? There are skid marks before the skunk.

 

[hunting4sanity]

Adam was the luckiest man on earth; he had no mother-in-law.

 

[HunterMarkus]

When our client’s dog lapped up anti-freeze, the veterinarian I work for ordered a unique treatment: an IV drip mixing fluids with vodka. “Go buy the cheapest bottle you can find,” he told me.

At the liquor store, I was uneasy buying cheap booze so early in the day, and I felt compelled to explain things to the clerk.

“Believe it or not,” I said, “this is for a sick dog.”

As I was leaving, the next customer plunked down two bottles of muscatel and announced, “These are for my cats.”

 

[HunterMarkus]

As the stranger enters a country store, he spots a sign: "Danger! Beware of Dog!" Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep in the middle of the floor.

"Is that the dog we’re supposed to beware of?" he asks the owner.

"That’s him," comes the reply.

"He doesn’t look dangerous to me. Why would you post that sign?"

"Before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."

 

[HunterMarkus]

A hotel minibar allows you to 
see into the future and find out what a can of Pepsi will cost in 2020.

 

[HunterMarkus]

A tramp knocks on the door of an inn known as St. George and the Dragon. The landlady answers. “Could you give a poor man something to eat?” asks the tramp.

“No!” yells the woman, slamming the door in his face. A few minutes later, he knocks again. “Now what do you want?” the woman asks.

“Could I have a few words with George?”

 

[HunterMarkus]

Halfway between New York City and Washington, D.C., the train’s engine fell silent.

“I’ve got good news and bad news,” the conductor announced. “The bad news is we lost power.” My fellow passengers groaned.

“The good news,” he added, “is we weren’t cruising at 30,000 feet.”