Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[HunterMarkus]

Q: What did the bird say after his cage fell apart?
A: "Cheap, cheap!"

 

[Art Lambart II]

Q: Why don't sharks attack Lawyers
A: Professional courtesy.

 

[hnterfl]

Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.

 

[hnterfl]

I'm going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.

 

[Silence]

Here’s some advice: At a job 
interview, tell them you’re willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician.

 

[Silence]

New York Times writer Amy Chozick giving an example of what 
it was like working for a fashion magazine: “A girl got on [the elevator] with a Birkin bag, and her friend goes, ‘Oh, my God, I love your bag; 
is that new?’ and she goes, ‘No, I got it, like, a week ago.’”

 

[Silence]

“Has your son decided what 
he wants to be when he grows up?” 
I asked my friend.

“He wants to be a garbageman,” 
he replied.

“That’s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.”

“Not really. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.”

 

[Silence]

I phoned a local restaurant to 
ask if it was on the north or south side of Main Street. The person on the other end answered, “That 
depends on which direction you’re coming from.”

 

[WI-RUM]

What do you say when you've already tried three stalks on the same black wildebeest and there is still daylight left... lets try one more!

 

[mcfd45]

I can see my lab doing this.

 

[hnterfl]

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

 

[ChrisPy]

Politicians

 

[Silence]

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks closely. The first lawyer announced, "Those are deer tracks. It's deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find our prey." The second lawyer responded,"Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we follow your advice, we'll waste the day." Each attorney believed himself to be the superior woodsman, and they both bitterly stuck to their guns. They were still arguing when the train hit them.

 

[Silence]

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water.

The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."

 

[Silence]

The big game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and none could dispute that. But then he said they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal’s skin from it’s feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what caliber bullet it was that killed the animal.

The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on.

They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "ringbrook." Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right.

They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Kalahari Lion. Shot with a .416 rifle." He was right again.

Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind, and went to sleep.

The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this black eye?"

His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, "Skunk, killed with an axe."

 

[Silence]

A duck hunter is out trying to kill a duck, so he can take it home and feed his family. After several hours, with no luck, the hunter gets back in his jeep and heads home. On the way, he spots a flock of ducks flying over a farmhouse. He gets out of his truck and shoots the biggest one which lands in the farmers yard. The hunter leaps over the fence to pick up his duck. He's twenty feet away from the duck when he hears the farmer yell "hey, that's my duck."

"No, no," says the hunter, "I just shot it."

"No matter," says the farmer, "it landed on my farm."

They argue for a while then the farmer suggests that they settle their dispute the country way. "How's that," asks the hunter. The farmer says that they have to take it in turns to jerk each other off and whoever cums in the shortest time loses.

The hunter begins, ten minutes later, the farmer cums. "OK," says the hunter, "now it's your turn."

"Never mind," says the farmer, "you can keep the duck."

 

[Rob Kubicek]

Had a great hunt with Annette and Herman in 2009. They took great care of my non-hunting wife. I was fortunate to harvest 13 great trophy's. The greatest trophy though was harvested by "Little Herman". Look at the size of that rifle!!! Large caliber for a little hunter. he

 

[Hogpatrol]

A police officer called the station on his radio.
"I have an interesting case here. An old lady shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped."
"Have you arrested the woman?"
"Not yet. The floor's still wet."

 

[BRICKBURN]

Politicians

 

[Bullthrower338]

An old man is sitting on his porch and sees a young boy walking by his house dragging a section of wire fence behind him. The old man asks the young lad where he is going with the wire?
"This here is chicken wire and I'm goin to get me some chickens!"
And off he goes, the old man shaking his head.
A bit later here comes the boy back by with a half dozen chickens tangled up in the wire!
The next day here comes the boy dragging 40' of duck tape. What are you doing with that tape boy?
"Well sir, this here is duck tape and I'm gonna go get me some ducks!"
Shortly the boy comes back by with a full limit of ducks all stuck to the tape!
The next day here he comes dragging a bunch of branches behind. What ya got there boy?
The boy replied "well sir what I got here are pussy willows"
The old man cut him off in mid sentence hollering "hold on while I get my coat, I'm coming with ya!"