on a lighter note...

[PeteG]

 

[spike.t]

 

[Opposite Pole]

Any new medication, vaccine or chemical should be tested on politicians. If they survive, the product is safe. If they don't survive, the country is safe.

 

[Rob404]

 

[Hogpatrol]

Oldie, probably a repeat, but goody

Young bachelor goes to his local parish where he went to school, had his first communion and attended Mass regularly. He tells the priest that his long time companion, a beagle, had died and asked the priest if he could have some sort of church funeral service for him. The priest told him definitely not, we only hold services for members of the church. He then suggested he go down the street to any of those Protestant or other denominations, they would more than likely accommodate him. The young man then asked if two thousand dollars would be enough of a donation. Before he could walk away, the priest grabbed him by the arm and said "Hold on a minute son, you didn't tell me the dog was Catholic".

 

[sgt_zim]

 

[steve white]

View attachment 439815

OTOH...girl's got a great sense of humor to agree to pose for this...

 

[spike.t]

 

[Newboomer]

View attachment 440368

She can infect me anytime.

 

[Vashper]

The Eskimo was put in jail, there is another guy in the cell.
Man: - What was put in jail for?
Eskimo: - Killed a polar bear. They gave me six years. And what are you for?
Man: - I killed my wife. Eight years…
Eskimo (surprised): - Eight years? For what? There's a fur the size of a palm!

 

[Brent in Az]

 

[lwaters]

.

 

[Boyd Brooks]

 

[Boyd Brooks]

 

[shootist~]

 

[Opposite Pole]

Not a joke but belongs in this section anyway.

Bomb Squad Summoned After Patient in UK Arrives with Artillery Shell Stuck in Rectum​

Bomb Squad Summoned After Patient in UK Arrives with Artillery Shell Stuck in Rectum - News18

The bomb squad confirmed that the artillery shell was not live and did not pose a danger. The hospital staff managed to get it out of the patient's body and later discharged the individual.

www.news18.com

 

[Pheroze]

Not a joke but belongs in this section anyway.

Bomb Squad Summoned After Patient in UK Arrives with Artillery Shell Stuck in Rectum​

Bomb Squad Summoned After Patient in UK Arrives with Artillery Shell Stuck in Rectum - News18

The bomb squad confirmed that the artillery shell was not live and did not pose a danger. The hospital staff managed to get it out of the patient's body and later discharged the individual.

www.news18.com

My father, a physician, has all sorts of stories about patients with odd objects shoved up their backsides. The most technically challenging extraction was a glass tumbler with the wide open mouth facing the exit - how to remove a glass object, shaped basically like an arrow, without shattering the glass? The procedure was a success, but confounded the staff for a while!

 

[BourbonTrail]

Not a joke but belongs in this section anyway.

Bomb Squad Summoned After Patient in UK Arrives with Artillery Shell Stuck in Rectum​

Bomb Squad Summoned After Patient in UK Arrives with Artillery Shell Stuck in Rectum - News18

The bomb squad confirmed that the artillery shell was not live and did not pose a danger. The hospital staff managed to get it out of the patient's body and later discharged the individual.

www.news18.com

If only physicians could find a way to dislodge some people’s heads from their rectums, the world would be a better place.

“Get your head out of your ass, it’s not a hat, asshat.”

 

[sgt_zim]

I had one come in the ER with a Black & Decker cordless drill in his rectum. We could actually make out the B&D logo in the x-ray.

Another guy came in with a light bulb in his rectum. It was some sort of fluorescent with little prongs on one end. I've never seen anything like that.

 

[Vashper]