on a lighter note...

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Looks guilty to me....

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OH-OH, I think some violence involving sharp tools is about to happen.....

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Situational awareness out there...
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This is for all of you "70 + year-olds", and those of you closing in on the "Golden Years".
This is something that happened at an assisted living center.

The people who lived there have small apartments but they
all eat at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents
didn't show up for breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on
his door to see if everything was OK. She could hear him through the
door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so
she went back to the dining area.

An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his
room and she found him on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but
was having a hell of time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and
seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right. She told him she
was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any
pain and just wanted to have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of
the way down the stairs and he had his breakfast.

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get
up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple
hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The
receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in
one leg of his boxer shorts.

I am sending this to my children so that they don’t sell the house
before they know all the facts.
 
A Cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West.The young cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him the story of his great ambition. ‘Do you think you could give me some tips?’ he asked.

The old man looked him up and down and said, ‘Well, for one thing, you’re wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.’‘

Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.

‘Sure will,’ replied the old-timer.

The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his 44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player. ‘That’s terrific!’ said the hot shot.. ‘Got any more tips for me?’

‘Yep,’ said the old man. ‘Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That’ll give you a smoother draw’

‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.

‘You bet it will, ‘ said the old-timer.The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player. ‘Wow!’ exclaimed the cowboy ‘I’m learnin’ somethin’ here. Got any more tips?’

The old man pointed to a large can in a corner. ‘See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.’The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.
‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.

’‘Will that make me a better gunfighter?’ asked the young man.

‘No,’ said the old-timer, ‘but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he’s gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won’t hurt near as much.
 
Not PC but I'm too old to care.

I thought the Canadian Health Care was over rated! Maybe it is, but the Doctors aren't!

A Muslim immigrant in Toronto went to the doctor and said, "I feel terrible."
The doctor examined him and then said, "You need to pee and put your bowel movements in a bucket for a week, then throw in a dead fish and some rotten cabbage. Put a towel over your head and inhale the vapors for three days."
The Muslim did this and then returned to the doctor two weeks later. He said, "I feel wonderful, what was wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "You were Homesick."
 
Two%20old%20men%20in%20discussion%20at%20bar%20having%20a%20beer


Two Norwegians are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Elks have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"
"Aww, shit!" says his friend, "and I just joined the Knights of Columbus!"
 

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