Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[Bobpuckett]

 

[James.Grage]

 

[hunting4sanity]

Any Chicago fans?

 

[gizmo]

 

[gizmo]

 

[gizmo]

 

[hunting4sanity]

 

[snowbeast]

One night after a successful day fly fishing in the natal midlands I was climbing out the shower to get changed to go for supper. In a cocky mood I went through to the room where my wife was getting changed, took my undies off and flung them in my wife's direction ‎and said "put these on" she, looking a bit dumfounded tried and they fell down. She responded, "I can't, they too big" I arrogantly retorted "so now we know who wears the pants in this relationship".
My wife grabbed a pair of her panties and flung them my way.
"Put these on" she replied coolly.
I did but they didn't go past my knees.
"I can't get into them" I stated
"Well, that's how it's going to remain until you Change your attitude" she replied in a stone cold voice.
Moral of the story: I wear the pants in our relationship - with my wife's permission.

 

[HunterMarkus]

There is an overweight guy who is watching TV. A commercial comes on for a guaranteed weight loss of 10 pounds in a week. So the guy, thinking what the hell, signs up for it. Next morning an incredibly beautiful woman is standing at his door in nothing but a pair of running shoes and a sign about her neck that reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." As soon as he sees her, she takes off running. He tries to catch her, but is unable. This continues for a week, at the end of which, the man has lost 10 pounds. After this he tries the next weight loss plan, 15 pounds in a week. The next morning an even more beautiful woman is standing at the door, in similar conditions. The same happens with her as the first woman, except he almost catches her. This continues for a week, at the end of which he, as suspected, weighs 15 pounds less. Excited about this success, he decides to do the master program. Before he signs up, he is required to sign a waiver and is warned about the intensity of this plan. Still he signs up. The next morning, waiting at the door, is a hulking 300 pound muscle man with nothing but a pair of running shoes, a raging erection, and a sign around his neck that says, "If I catch you, you're mine!" The man was supposed to lose 25 pounds in the week; he lost 34.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"

 

[HunterMarkus]

Yo mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

 

[HunterMarkus]

A man joins a soccer team and his new teammates inform him, "At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about sex." The evening arrives and he gives a detailed, humorous account of his sex life. When he got home, his wife asked how the evening went and not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to explain exactly what happened, he said, "Oh, I had to make a talk about yachting," his wife thought this a little peculiar but said nothing more and went to sleep. The next day she bumped into one of his new teammates at the supermarket and asked, "I heard my husband had to make a speech last night. How did it go?" His mate said smiling, 'Oh, it was excellent! Your husband is clearly very experienced!." The wife looked confused and replied to his mate, "Strange, he has only done it twice and the second time he was sick."

 

[HunterMarkus]

It's game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, "No, the seat's empty." "The first man exclaims, "What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it?" The neighbor responds, "Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven't been together." The first man responds," I'm sorry to hear that. Wasn't there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could've taken that seat?" The neighbor responds, "No, they're all at the funeral."

 

[Kaj Søndergaard]

A little translation of a danish joke:

It is in Napoleon's time. Lord Nelson stands on the bridge of his flagship.

Oh helmsman - What can you see on the horizon?

High captain – I see the enemy’s sail!

Oh Helmsman - How many ships do you see?

High captain - I see three ships!

Now helmsman – Bring me hither my red pants, so the crew will not be able to see if I should start to bleed!

(A little later)

Oh Helmsman - What do you see now on the horizon?

High captain – I do not see three, but thirty enemy ships on the horizon!

Now Helmsman – Bring me hither my brown pants!

 

[AfricaHunting.com]

View attachment 52868

It's a fact that the digit system works well up to 20!

 

[HunterMarkus]

While I was working as a store Santa, a boy asked me for an electric train set. “If you get your train,” I told him, “your dad is going to want to play with it too. Is that all right?”

The boy became very quiet. So, moving the conversation along, 
I asked, “What else would you like Santa to bring you?”

He promptly replied, “Another train.”

 

[HunterMarkus]

Mary goes to the post office to buy 50 stamps for her Hanukkah cards. “What denomination?” asks the postal clerk.

Mary thinks a second before 
replying, “Give me six Orthodox, 
12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”

 

[HunterMarkus]

I don’t know that there are real ghosts and goblins, but there are always more trick-or-treaters than neighborhood kids.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.

 

[BRICKBURN]

Why is there pressure on the Rand?