Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[HunterMarkus]

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your steering wheel.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Three criminals are sentenced to exile in the desert and can only bring one personal item.

"I brought a loaf of bread, so when I get hungry, I'll have something to eat," said the first criminal.

"I brought a water skin, so that when I get thirsty, I'll have something to drink," said the second.

The third criminal looks proud of himself. "I brought a car door, so when it gets hot, I can roll down the window."

 

[HunterMarkus]

A blonde walked into her final exam very nervous. But when she received the test, she was relieved to find out that it was a True or False exam. Immediately, she reached into her purse and pulled out a coin. Each time she flipped the coin she would write down an answer. "What are you doing?" the professor asked her. "I'm figuring out the answers," the blonde replied.
To this, the professor just rolled his eyes and looked away. When she was done, the professor announced that there were five minutes left to go. "Oh my god!" she said in an excited voice, and started to flip the coin as fast as possible.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Last semester I took macroeconomics and didn't have a clue what I was doing (as cited on the final exam). There were 80 multiple choice questions. For some reason I decided to play the game of probability and choose the letter "A" for everything. In that game, the only thing probable was that I failed.
The following day, the professor asked to see me after class. "Is everything okay?" "Sure," I said, "why? "Well, here's your test," he said and handed me a piece of paper that was covered with red ink. "Can you explain why you chose an 'A' for everything?"
Knowing that there was nothing I could do at this point, I said, "Well, I've always wanted to be an 'A' student."

 

[HunterMarkus]

A graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

A graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

A graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much it cost?"

A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

 

[Rinat]

OK, I am in

My rifle, camera and lenses are ready


Best regards,
Rinat

 

[HunterMarkus]

A teacher asks the new student her name. The girl replies, "Happy Butt."

The teacher says, "I don't think that's your name. You need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."

The girl goes to the principal's office and he asks, "What's your name?" The little girl says, "Happy Butt."

The principal calls the girl's mother to get the truth. After getting off the phone, he says, "Honey, your name is Gladys, not Happy Butt."

The girl exclaims, "Glad Ass -- Happy Butt -- what's the difference?"

 

[HunterMarkus]

How do you get a Harvard graduate off your porch?
Pay him for the pizza.

 

[HunterMarkus]

There was a young country boy who was very bright. In fact he was bright enough to be accepted to Harvard.
One of his first assignments at Harvard was to write a paper on a famous person. He didn't know who he would write about so he decided to go to the library and do some research. But he didn't know where the library was. He saw a professor walking down the hall. He stopped the professor and said to him, "Do you know where the library is at?"
The professor looks at him strangely and says, "Young man, here at Harvard we never end a sentence in a preposistion."
The young man says, "Oh, excuse me. Do you know where the library is at, asshole?"

 

[HunterMarkus]

A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was.

His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.''

''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny.

''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad.

''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''

 

[HunterMarkus]

On Monday morning, the teacher walked to the blackboard and noticed someone had written the word "penis" in tiny letters. She turned around, but couldn't find the guilty face. She quickly erased it and began her class.

Tuesday, she was again greeted with "penis" on the blackboard, written in larger letters. She looked around in vain for the culprit, and then proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning for the rest of the week, "penis" was written on the board in larger and larger letters, and each time, the teacher furiously erased it. By Friday, she'd had enough.

"That's enough," she sputtered. "I -- I can't believe this! Monday morning, I expect an explanation for this behavior!"

On Monday morning, the teacher confidently entered the classroom and found on the board: "Don't you know -- the more you rub it, the bigger it gets?"

 

[HunterMarkus]

How many Harvard men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One -- he stands still and the world revolves around him.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"
Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"

 

[HunterMarkus]

A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating."

The teacher says, "No, I said, 'fascinate.'"

Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life."

The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate."

Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."

 

[HunterMarkus]

Q: What was the geometry student looking for at the beach?
A: A tangent.

 

[HunterMarkus]

The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"

The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?

Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."

"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."

Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."

The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."

Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"

The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"

Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely sh*t my pants."

 

[HunterMarkus]

An Auburn student spent a holiday in New Mexico with Native Americans who told him the Legend of the Maidens.
The tale went this way: "There are beautiful maidens who live in the cracks and crevices in this valley. If you hear them call, 'Woo Woo,' take off your clothes quickly and enter the cave. They will show you a fabulous time!"
Several days later, the headlines in the local newspaper read: "Body of Naked Auburn Student found in Tunnel, Run Over by Train."

 

[HunterMarkus]

A question had appeared in a student's medical examination which read: "List four benefits of breast milk." A student began to answer the question: 1. No need to bottle it. 2. Cats can't steal it. 3. Available whenever necessary. But the fourth point eluded him.
When there were barely a couple of minutes before the exam ended, the fourth point flashed before his mind. So he completed the answer by writing: 4. Available in attractive containers.