Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[hnterfl]

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

 

[Bobpuckett]

 

[Ronnie G-Man]

An old geezer became very bored in retirement and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said: "Dr.Geezer's, your treatment for $500, and if not cured, get back $1,000."
Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. So he went to Dr.Geezer's clinic.

Dr.Young: "Dr.Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me ??"
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr. Young's mouth."
Dr. Young: "Aaagh !!!!!!! -- This is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."
Dr.Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.
Dr. Young: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."
Dr. Geezer: "Nurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."
Dr.Young: "Oh, no you don't, -- that is Gasoline!"
Dr. Geezer "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."
Dr. Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.
Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see anything!!!!
Dr. Geezer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that so "Here's your $1000 back." (giving him a $10 bill)
Dr. Young: "But this is only $10!"
Dr. Geezer: "Congratulations! You got your vision back! That will be $500"

Moral of story: -- Just because you're "Young" doesn't mean that you can outsmart an "old Geezer"

 

[Velo Dog]

Here's a laugh:

"Barack Obama."

 

[billmandeville2]

Poodles were originally duck dogs. I have seen them in 1940's movies, and modern use in the "Duck Dynasty" TV series.

 

[Bullthrower338]

Here's a laugh:

"Barack Obama."

Really wish the joke would finally end Paul!!!!!!!
Patriotically yours,
Cody

 

[hunting4sanity]

How the times have changed.

 

[hunting4sanity]

Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?

 

[Silence]

Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Las Vegas?

A: When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers.

 

[Silence]

Children in the backseat can cause accidents.
Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

 

[Silence]

A blonde sees a flier on a bulletin board that reads, "Cruise -- Only $5." She goes to the address on the flier and hands the receptionist $5. The receptionist nods to a burly man reading a newspaper. He walks over to the blonde and knocks her unconscious.
The blonde wakes up tied to a log floating down river. To her right, she sees one of her blonde friends. "Do you think they're going to serve food on this trip?" she asks.
Her friend replies, "They didn't last year."

 

[Silence]

The driver tells his friend, "Peel the labels off these beer bottles, and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Now, shove all of the bottles under the front seat. Just let me do all the talking."

The cop walks up and shines his flashlight into the car. "Have you been drinking?" he asks.

"No, sir," the drunk answers. "We haven't had a thing to drink tonight."

"Then what on earth are those beer labels doing on your foreheads?"

"We're both alcoholics," says the drunk. "We're on the patch."

 

[Silence]

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

 

[Silence]

Q: Why does the blonde keep a wire coat hanger in the backseat of her car?
A: In case she locks her keys inside.

 

[Silence]

A gentleman sits next to a priest on an airplane. He sees the priest doing a crossword puzzle.

Time passes and the priest says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know a four letter word that describes a woman and ends in 'u-n-t'?"

The gentleman thinks about this and finally says, "I believe the word you're looking for is 'aunt.'"

The priest replies, "Oh, you're right. That fits, too. Would you happen to have an eraser?"

 

[Silence]

Q: What invention did a blonde come up with that didn't pass the patent board?
A: Ejection seats in helicopters.

 

[Silence]

A blonde was taking helicopter lessons. The instructor said, "I'll radio you every 1,000 feet to see how you're doing."
At 1,000 feet, the instructor radioed her and said she was doing great. At 2,000 feet, he said she was still doing well.

Right before she got to 3,000 feet, the propeller stopped, and she twirled to the ground. The instructor ran to where she crashed and pulled her out of the helicopter. He asked her, "What went wrong?"

The blonde said, "At 2,500 feet, I started to get cold, so I turned the big fan off."

 

[Silence]

A cop pulls over a blonde for speeding and asks her for her license.
"You cops should get it together," she said. "One day you take away my license, and the next day you ask me to show it to you."

 

[Silence]

A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.

"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.

The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."

His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."

The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."

Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"

 

[Silence]

A few days after her husband's death, a grieving widow accidentally receives an e-mail from a man waiting for his wife in Miami.

The e-mail reads:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

P.S. Sure is hot down here.