I was concussed although it was never confirmed. I had to be. I basically took a 4000 lb car going 50 mph to the head. I was wearing my helmet which here is a constant, because it's the law. If not, which wouldn't have been the case anyway, it would have likely been instant lights out for good. The kicker is, I don't really know how physiologically close I was to death. The hospital they took me to did a terrible job. No head scan, no chest scan/xray. Just a simple xray of my collar bone and off I went. Wasn't till I got home that night did I realize my ribs were broken. The shoulder manifested itself a month later by just falling from the socket. There was so much trauma to the left side of my body from broken bones I don't think I realized the shoulder until the swelling went down. Did my heart stop? Was the there a temporarily broken connection from my brain to the heart and lungs from the impact? I talked to a doctor buddy about it and they didn't really know. The only explanation is maybe the impact just stopped everything, all connections from brain to everything. I guess it is physiologically possible. Wasn't like I had an arterial or internal bleed or anything like that.
The feeling was amazing and sad at the same time. The initial sadness was deep and real. It was as if you knew that every one of your family, friends, and those you loved was moving away for good. I should have spent more time with mom and dad and been kinder to them. I should have looked after my little brother better. Now those chances were gone. Then came the acceptance that this was it, you're dead, and there's nothing you can do about it. You forget the bills, college classes (I was young at the time), relationship problems, quarrels with family/friends, and anything else that burdened you. None of it matters anymore. The peace that settled in was overwhelm. It was as if you just realized "Nothing matters anymore." And then you let go.
Just as I let go, whoever or whatever must have said: "Good. Now you can go back."
I was one of the lucky ones.
I think this story gives me pause at times and is helpful to re-tell it. We all are guilty of getting wrapped up in life and it's problem. The reality is if you can see another sunset and another sunrise, you're doing OK. Things will be OK. There will come a time where all those things you worry/worried about are going to just get left behind as you drift away. So don't sweat them now because none of that matters in the end.
man…thanks for that. Glad you made it through to be able to tell that story.
reminds me of the last part of my favorite poem, “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner”
Forthwith this frame of mine was wrenched
With a woful agony,
Which forced me to begin my tale;
And then it left me free.
Since then, at an uncertain hour,
That agony returns:
And till my ghastly tale is told,
This heart within me burns.