It is also important to remember that there are three stages of dementia. There is early, middle and late. We do not know at what stage this woman was at. Not everyone diagnosed with dementia instantly becomes unable to care for themselves and needs to be watched 24/7. Perhaps it was the case that she was in the early stages and her husband realising it was going to get progressively worse took her to a favourite place they had enjoyed before her condition worsened. He and her doctor may have thought it was not unreasonable to take her on a weekend break at a stage where her conditioned had not deteriorated too far to do so. Without all the facts it is unfair, as some have done here, to judge the husband too harshly. Dementia is hot black and white and in the early stages it can be mild and it is perfectly safe not to have someone watched 24-hours-a-day. Guessing what may or may not have happened or assuming the stage of her dementia or whether or not she was safe or fit enough to take a trip which may well have aided her condition and been therapeutic and helped bring back memories etc to a safari camp is best left until the full facts are known.
Yes, there are stages, and not all those with dementia suffer the same effects. Unfortunately, the need for constant monitoring often becomes apparent after the fact.
I have lived this first hand for the past 15 years, watching an uncle and two aunts suffer as they drown in a sea of confusion, desperately paddling to stay afloat, clutching at memories as if they were life-vests - only to sink into the abyss.
A spouse dealing with their loved one suffering from dementia is one of the saddest and most painful events to witness. It is watching the person you shared a life with fade away until you both become strangers.
I have seen the desire to "bring back a memory" by spouses and siblings in a desperate attempt to regain or preserve what once existed. Well intended, yet misguided, offering more comfort to the spouse than the patient. For the person with dementia, that memory is fleeting, and not always a pleasant experience; quite often it can have a negative effect causing even more confusion and anxiety by emphasizing their loss of memory.
How the spouse or loved one deals with the other person's dementia is critical; there are stages which present there as well. Denial is foremost, then reluctance, resistance, desperation, and finally - though not always, acceptance.
I can appreciate what you are saying, I applaud you for coming to the husband's defense, and I can certainly understand his intentions. But what you are offering is validation for what occurred, and while all of what you say may be true, this simple fact remains - the woman is dead, trampled by elephants, and I fail to see the therapeutic value.
Call it harsh, cruel, insensitive, judgemental, call it whatever you like - but "best intentions" and a tragic ending do not absolve responsibility or accountability.
Critical assessment does not affix blame, it targets cause.
Not having all the facts, as you say, does not change the outcome.
My experience with dementia goes beyond immediate family, it includes friends and neighbors who sought advice. What you are describing is a pattern which repeats and ends in one of two ways - "I'm so glad I listened to you" or, "I wish I had listened to you".
It was posted, "This thread has run its course" - obviously I disagree; and while it is apparent some of us disagree on certain aspects I think we can all agree on the tragic result and share the hope what we've posted will serve to prevent a reoccurrence.
