I've given up trying to understand all of that. It seems they spend waaay too much time worrying about it. I couldn't really care any less how someone else sees their gender. I have no issues with it either way. What I take issue with is have it shoved onto everyone else.
There has always been males who are more feminine than others and "butch" girls. Who cares? Be who you want to be, as long as it doesn't affect me.
But I'm sorry, there is no way I'm going to be able to start remembering who's a they/them, he, she and all that. If you look like you're plumbed like a guy, you're a "he". If you look like you're plumbed like a girl, you are a 'she'. It's as simple as that. Your decision to announce to the world what you think you are this week does not change what you are. Go ahead and think it, I couldn't care less, just don't expect me to agree.
Plastic surgeons would not exist if everyone was just thrilled with the way they were born. Many want to be taller, thinner, better looking, have hair, yada yada. It's human nature. So go do what you want to do. Just don't tell me to believe you are 6'8" NFL lineman when you are a 5'3" girl with an attitude...and address you as such.
Sorry for the rant. It's just that the world has way more to worry about than anyone's decision whether or not to sit down to pee.