on a lighter note...

[K-man]

Unfortunately these were sold out before Christmas....

 

[John Telford]

View attachment 381237

Hadn’t seen this one in years!

 

[Wheels]

 

[Bullthrower338]

 

[Vashper]

A man with a fishing rod sits on the bank of the river.
A woman approaches, strips naked, and in an intimate place piercings, and goes swimming.
Fisherman:
- You better put on your underpants, here the pike takes great on the spoon-bait.

 

[mdwest]

 

[cpr0312]

 

[Hogpatrol]

 

[Randy F]

View attachment 381527

Keychain version

 

[cpr0312]

 

[nztimb]

The ‘politically incorrect’ South Carolina State Troopers​

Below are actual comments made by South Carolina State Troopers that were taken from their car videos.​

​

1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”​

2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while..”​

3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.” ​

4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”​

5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.” ​

6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”​

7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”​

8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”​

9. “The answer to this next question will determine whether you are drunk or not: Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”​

10. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”​

11. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.” (National Crime Information Center)​

12. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”​

14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”​

14. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So now you know someone who can post your bail.”​

15. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, lady, we don’t. Sign here.”​

 

[slam8031]

being from South Carolina I wear the last post with pride! No personal experience in this area however!

 

[Wheels]

 

[Hogpatrol]

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.


Q.Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.


Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.


Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:


* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka .

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.


* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or China ...


* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala


* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .


* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .


* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !


No need to thank me, I'm just glad I could be of help.

 

[cpr0312]

 

[Dr Ray]

View attachment 380072

I can agree 100%!

 

[cpr0312]

 

[cpr0312]

 

[Bullthrower338]

View attachment 381806

If only there was a beer cooler in there, it could be a hunting camp!

 

[spike.t]

If only there was a beer cooler in there, it could be a hunting camp!

Beat me to asking where the bar area was...