on a lighter note...

[Timbo]

 

[EricB]

 

[cpr0312]

 

[steve white]

....and for our South African bretheren:

Pinocchio, Snow White and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day.

As they walk, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world."

"I’m going to enter" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya do?

"First Place," said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world."

"I'm entering," says Superman.

After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"

"First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt it?"

They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the greatest liar in the world?"

Pinocchio says "This is mine."

Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.

"What happened?" they asked.

"Who the hell is Ramaphosa?!" asked Pinocchio.

or Adam Schiff, or Nancy Pelosi, or UpChuck Schumer, or...

 

[cpr0312]

 

[cpr0312]

 

[Timbo]

 

[Timbo]

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.
The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4.
I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.

The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.
Principal: What is 3+3?
Boy: 6.
Principal: 6+6.
Boy: 12.
The boy got all the questions right.
The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately.

The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.
Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?
Boy: Legs.
Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have?
Boy: Pockets.
Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut.
Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge
Boy: Bubble gum.
Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent.
The principal was looking restless
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.
Boy: Wedding ring.
*Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?
Boy: Nose.
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow.
Principal: O MY GOD!!
Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
Boy: Fork.
Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname.
Principal: Ohooo!!!
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
Boy: Heart.
Principal: Eeeeeh ! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam,
"Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

LOL!! I got them all wrong too!!

 

[Ridge Runner]

A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.
The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4.
I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.

The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.
Principal: What is 3+3?
Boy: 6.
Principal: 6+6.
Boy: 12.
The boy got all the questions right.
The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately.

The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.
Madam: What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?
Boy: Legs.
Madam: What is in your trousers that I don't have?
Boy: Pockets.
Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
Boy: Coconut.
Madam: What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge
Boy: Bubble gum.
Madam: You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
Boy: Tent.
The principal was looking restless
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.
Boy: Wedding ring.
*Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?
Boy: Nose.
Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.
Boy: Arrow.
Principal: O MY GOD!!
Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
Boy: Fork.
Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
Boy: Surname.
Principal: Ohooo!!!
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
Boy: Heart.
Principal: Eeeeeh ! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam,
"Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"

LOL!! I got them all wrong too!!

LMAO! I also answered the madams questions wrong.

 

[Newboomer]

Talk about double meanings!!

 

[nztimb]

 

[Boyd Brooks]

 

[KP/-31]

So an engineer dies and goes to hell. Not satisfied with living conditions, he decides to start making improvements.
A while later satan is talking to God who asks how things are going.
"Well, things have been great since we got this engineer down here. Now we have flush toilets, escalators, and even air conditioning," satan says.
God is horrified. "How did you get an engineer! You know they all go to Heaven! Send him up right away!'
Satan replies, "Nah, I like having him on staff. I'm keeping him."
"Send him up here or I'll sue," God says.
Satan laughs, "Yeah right. Where are you going to find a lawyer?"

 

[R.M.C.]

That's a damn good pun Von Gruff lol

 

[R.M.C.]

 

[Brent in Az]

 

[Brent in Az]

 

[cpr0312]

 

[Boyd Brooks]

View attachment 361204

Wow you got cold ones! Mine were always the temperature of the surface of the Sun!

 

[Ridge Runner]

View attachment 361204

All the apple pies that I have purchased have been a luke warm. The only time I've ever had a hot apple pie is when I nuked it in the microwave to warm it up.