on a lighter note...

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Words To Ponder

The following Two Truths and 5 Rules of Life seem to be fairly valid...

SIMPLE TRUTH
1: Lovers help each other undress before sex.

However, after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story -- In life, no one helps you once
you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH
2: When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and say, "Congrats." But, none of them comes up to the man - touches his penis and says, "Good job."

Moral of the story -- Hard work is rarely appreciated.

FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE: 1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to
cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the idiot's name.

3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they
will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk.

5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

BONUS RULE: Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot
by the woman's husband.

I think Congressmen should wear uniforms. You know, like
NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors!

As I get older, I realize:
#1 - I talk to myself, because there are times I
need expert advice.

#2 - I consider "On Trend" to be the
clothes that still fit.

#3 - I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off.

#4 - My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance for idiots that needs
work.

#5 - The biggest lie I tell myself is, "I don't
need to write that down. I'll remember it."

#6 - I have days when my life is just a tent away from a circus

#7 - These days, "on time" is when I
get there.

#8 - Even duct tape can't fix stupid - but
it sure does muffle the sound.

#9 - Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come
out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?

#10 - Lately, I've noticed people my age are so much older than me.

If you walk a mile in my shoes you'll end up at the bar
 
cold_one.jpg
 
Package thief revenge, long but interesting defense.

 
Package thief revenge, long but interesting defense.

Did you see the youtube video of the guy that rigged packages with a blank 12 gauge shell and firing mechanism? He started manufacturing them for sale out of his garage.
 
oldie but goodie.

salesman.jpg
 
Two old men had been friends most of their lives. When it was clear that Frank was dying, Leonard visited him every day.

One day Leonard said, "Frank, we both loved playing golf all our lives, and we started playing in high school. Please do me one favor: when you get to heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's golf there."

Frank looked up at Leonard from his deathbed and said, "Leonard, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you."

Shortly after that, Frank died.

A few weeks later, Leonard was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Leonard!"

"Who is it?" asked Leonard, sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Leonard -- it's me, Frank."

"You're not Frank. Frank just died."

"I'm telling you, it's me, Frank," insisted the voice.

"Frank! Where are you?"

"In heaven," replied Frank. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."

"Tell me the good news first," said Leonard.

"The good news," Frank said with joy and enthusiasm, "is that there is golf in heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before me are here too. Even better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always summertime and it never rains. And best of all, we can play golf all we want, and we never get tired. And we get to play with all the greats of the past."

"That's fantastic," said Leonard. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?"

"You're in my foursome this Saturday.
 

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autofire wrote on LIMPOPO NORTH SAFARIS's profile.
Do you have any cull hunts available? 7 days, daily rate plus per animal price?

#plainsgame #hunting #africahunting ##LimpopoNorthSafaris ##africa
 
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