WARNING: This post will not have the eloquence of writing style that my husband and son possess, but it has the heart of a mom
Why boys should be raised to be warriors...... or why they deserved to go to Africa...
I have pondered as to how and why to write this last post since summer, but a Christmas eve dinner sealed the deal. You see, in a busy world with school, work and now one living on his own, the moments of just the original 4 Team Fet getting together are few and precious. Ty was on Christmas break from the University of Arkansas and our Aggie got 3 1/2 days off from the "grown up world" of his new job and living 10 hours away. The ride home gave us time to hear about "the job" and updates on wedding plans. We got to our house- which Wyatt hadn't seen as we have moved since Africa this summer, got guys settled in and put steaks on the grill. (TX folks mix steak and Christmas china all the time!!!)
Looking over to see my son holding his fork and knife European style, I kidded him about trying to be Claude (the boys beloved PH!) then I just sat and listened for the next 30 minutes as Dad/Coach and sons relived treks up and down the mountain, missed shots and great ones, campfires and time with the Strausses, etc. etc. These laughs and bright eyes were something I love and am thankful for... you see, my boys got to be men on this trip. Everything from the first time they held a gun, to the shotguns their Raypa had given them, to the first rifle Santa brought them, to Dad giving them their own rifles, all the nights at the deer camp, plus the thousands of miles we have driven to see remote parts of the land and history all came together.
You see, our culture says men should be sensitive and caring and politically correct and for the most part wear skinny jeans…….I see it differently.... 23 years ago, I was blessed with the challenge of teaming with a great guy to help a little bundle of smiles and later his brother grow up and be able to do life and do it well. I’m not sure of your worldview, but mine is very biblical and historical in nature- I am old school. ----Don’t get me wrong, anybody who knows me, knows I think a girl can do anything a boy can do and am plenty stubborn to show you myself…but when the day is done, it is nice to know I am loved, provided for and protected.
Boys need to play in mud, eat dirt, run around naked sometimes, play cowboys and Indians, swordfight and shoot things. They need to have trucks, learn to pee outside and have big dogs. They need to miss recess because they left their spelling in their backpack, (which was left in the car with Dad and he didn’t believe in stopping the car and running it into school- you know mom would have!...but they never left it again!) lose the character award because it was “just right” to fight back, have their hearts broken because they didn’t make the cut or get the role they wanted, be made to finish their homework even when it is a stupid assignment, they need to be given keys and a gas card to drive places- some they need to tell their mom about, some they don’t. Some days, a C is good enough. They need to romp in the outdoors, learn to hunt, fish, camp, load and unload and clean firearms, how to use winches and get trucks unstuck. They need to cuss now and then. They need to be pushed to their physical and mental limits because only then do they discover there is more in them than they knew about….
I’m not talking abuse, I’m talking about just occasionally not saving them from every mean and harsh thing in the world…because life is not that way. I can’t tell you how it kills a momma’s heart to hear a boy wail in the shower or throw things, storm out of the house and drive away. Sometimes it takes a guy to know what guy needs and girls DO NOT AGREE. I was furious the times my husband reached out and stopped me from picking up the phone to call the school or coach, sometimes I was furious with him for being so harsh or loud. Some days you are glad they call you AFTER they have been released from the ER (and did you know he was NOT reimbursed the ER copay- STUPID does have consequences) and tell you the story of how the passing truck had to pull you back on the road or the girl at McDonalds back into your truck….But you know what……
Today I have amazing young men…. They are on the way to becoming all God has made them to be…One navigated being a cadet for 4 years with all the mental, emotional and physical challenges of leadership and still managed to grab a degree in those 4 years and nail down a job the day after graduation…one has been an athlete, played college football and then walked away from it because other passions took its place, they both treat both friends and girls with respect and value relationships. They care and are passionate. They hate stupid! They can write thank you notes, learn to knit from youtube and aren’t afraid to drive 10 hours in a car by themselves. They can actually buy gifts and lead small groups. They love God, being Texans and have pride in the history of the United States.
Listening to their adventures in the evening around the campfire and sharing some of those moments in the fields and mountains in Namibia taught me that all the lost sleep, costume making and cookie baking, carpool hours, birthday party planning, and game attending was worth is—they are now warriors with the skills to be successful in the game and battle called life. If they choose, they will both make amazing husbands and Dads one day!!! In addition to our family motto “Life is an adventure!” I often quote that life is a team sport-to the coaches, teachers, family and friends who have poured into the lives of our sons- thank you. Those words seem insignificant, but if you know Wyatt and Ty, you too have a smile of pride and gratitude—they rep you well. To John, my teammate in all things adventure- especially our boys- you have made the difference. Thank you for your example and leadership- even when their mama hated it.
I am thankful for the tradition of blood covered sprigs and carrying your horns out of the bush yourselves…. You have earned it gentlemen, you have carried the horns… you are men and warriors… adventure well with those you love and teach them to do the same….I am blessed to call you my sons.
“Children are a heritage from the LORD, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.” Psalm 127:3-5
PS Moms- I get it…it’s hard some days because we want them to feel loved and nurtured- me too! It’s the balance! And- if anybody has “mother of the groom” advice- I’m all ears!