Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[Silence]

Poodle: “My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I’m nervous as a cat.”
Collie: “Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?”
Poodle: “I can’t. I’m not allowed on the couch.”

 

[Art Lambart II]

Adam is walking thru the garden of Eden feeling very depressed. God says Adam whats wrong, Adam replies, God you made all the animals in pairs male and female but their is no one for me. God says, Adam I'll make you the perfect mate, she will support you in all thing, fulfill all your wants and need but I have to tell you it will cost you an arm and a leg. Adam replies what can I get for a rib.

 

[Silence]

Two guys were out hunting when one of them shoots a big 14 point buck, "Wow, that's the biggest set of antlers I've ever seen in my life! " says one man. The other man agrees.
So they field dress the deer and each grab one hind leg of the deer and proceed to drag the deer out of the woods. They were having the worst time trying to drag the big deer out of the thick covered woods, the antlers were catching on everything.
So they stopped to take a rest and one guy said to the other. " We need to try dragging this deer out differently," the other guy agreed, so they finally each grabbed one antler each and proceeded.
About a hour and a half later, one said to the other; " Man, this is working a whole lot better this way."
The other one sighs and says "Yeah, but aren't we getting pretty far from the truck?"

 

[Wheels]

 

[Macclenny]

I thought Growing Old would take longer!!

 

[Wheels]

 

[keruli]

 

[Wheels]

 

[Macclenny]

Irish Gas Station
Taking a wee break from the golf course, Rory Mcllroy drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station.
An attendant greets him in a typical Irish manner, unaware of who the golf pro is ...
"top o' the mornin to ya"
As Rory gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.
"What are those things laddie?" asks the attendant.
"They're called tees" replies Rory.
"And what would ya be usin em for, now?" inquires the Irishman.
"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive" says Rory.
"Aw, Jaysus, Maryan' Joseph!" exclaims the Irish attendant. "Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything..."

 

[Wheels]

 

[hnterfl]

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

 

[hnterfl]

People say love is the best feeling, but I think finding a toilet when you've got diarrhea is better.

 

[HunterMarkus]

Ole and Sven are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Sven says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months.' Ole sips his beer and says, 'Better think it over...women like that are hard to find.'

 

[HunterMarkus]

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to load my pheasant hunting gear into the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out pheasant hunting in that crap?'

I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped hunting.

 

[Silence]

 

[Silence]

 

[hnterfl]

Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to...Unless you're in prison!

 

[Kata]

 

[Kata]

 

[HunterMarkus]

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a hilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."