Free Hunt for One Hunter & One Observer from Lianga Safaris for 2016

[Silence]

Q: How do you know if a chef is a clown?
A: The food tastes funny.

 

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Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."

 

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After an elderly couple starts getting forgetful, they visit their doctor. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes.
When they get home, the wife says, "Dear, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? And maybe write that down so you won't forget?"
"Nonsense," says the husband. "I can remember a dish of ice cream."
"Well, I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it," the wife replies.
"My memory's not all that bad," says the husband. "No problem -- a dish of ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream. I don't need to write it down."
He goes into the kitchen, and his wife hears pots and pans banging.
The husband finally emerges from the kitchen and presents his wife with a plate of bacon and eggs.
She looks at the plate and asks, "Hey, where's the toast I asked for?"

 

[Silence]

A preacher's wife goes to the butcher.

The butcher asks if she'd like to try some damn ham.

The preacher's wife is shocked. The butcher explains that "Dam Ham" is the brand name of the meat and shows her the packaging with the beaver and dam logo.

That night, the preacher asks, "What's for dinner?"

His wife says she bought some damn ham from the butcher. The preacher scolds his wife for using such language in their home. She explains the "Dam Ham brand name and their logo.

At the dinner table, the preacher asks his 16-year-old son to pass him the "Dam Ham."

The son replies, "I'll pass the damn ham if you pass me the muthaf**kin' mashed potatoes."

 

[Silence]

Did you hear about the guy they found dead with his head in his cornflakes?
The police thought it was a cereal killer.

 

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A blonde walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Can I have a burger and fries?"
She replies, "Sorry, this is a library."
The blonde whispers, "Oh, sorry. May I have a burger and fries?"

 

[Silence]

Q: What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?
A: "Does this taste funny to you?"

 

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Q: What did the blonde say when she saw a box of Cheerios?
A: "Wow! Doughnut seeds!"

 

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A woman walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts.
The guy says, "No, ma'am."

She says, "Well, do you have any dates?"

He replies, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"

 

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A tourist on a farm asked the farmer why one pig had a wooden leg.

The farmer said, "That pig is the bravest pig I ever saw."

"So why does he have a wooden leg?" the tourist asked.

"One night, our house caught on fire, and he came inside and woke us all up."

The tourist asked again, "So, why does that pig have a wooden leg?"

"You can't eat a pig that brave all at once!"

 

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A blonde orders a pizza and is asked if she wants it cut into six or 12 pieces.
She responds, "Six, please. I could never eat 12 pieces."

 

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A newspaper reporter went to interview an old man who was the last person in the county to have lived through the Civil War. Thinking he had a story, the reporter started asking some questions. "Sir, you have lived through the civil war and two world wars. You have seen the invention of the automobile and the airplane. In all of your days, what would you say is the single most interesting thing you have seen in all of your days?"
The man replied, "The Thermos."
Puzzled, the reporter asked, "Why?"
"Well," the old man responded, "when you put something hot in it, it keeps it hot. When you put something cold in it, it keeps it cold... HOW DOES IT KNOW?"

 

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