on a lighter note...

488056408_690439760312997_4175338262633742279_n.jpg
 
Ontario Hunter said:
I'm in the hospital while they figure out what to do about my bleeding ulcer. The staff didn't put anything on my chart for "Care Plan" so I filled in the blanks. Hope it works. I'm damn tired of lime jello, apple juice, and saltless broth (boy, that shit is awful).
View attachment 675318
This morning someone from dietician dept came around asking for feedback on the chow. "Lady, you need an armed guard for your job!"
Click to expand...
Something like 99% of all gastric/duodenal ulcers are caused by the bacterium Helicobacter pylori. Assuming that's the case, 10 days on Flagyl and tetracycline will put you on the road to mending. Plus a little Pepto for the discomfort.
 
sgt_zim said:
Something like 99% of all gastric/duodenal ulcers are caused by the bacterium Helicobacter pylori. Assuming that's the case, 10 days on Flagyl and tetracycline will put you on the road to mending. Plus a little Pepto for the discomfort.
Click to expand...
They tested for bacteria. Negative. Unfortunately. Sigh! Pepto won't touch it. Or Dexilant. Or Sufracate. Or both in double dose. Ate my first firm food in four days tonight and I'm right back where I started. Gonna be a long night.
 
Last edited:
sgt_zim said:
Something like 99% of all gastric/duodenal ulcers are caused by the bacterium Helicobacter pylori. Assuming that's the case, 10 days on Flagyl and tetracycline will put you on the road to mending. Plus a little Pepto for the discomfort.
Click to expand...
Finally I get to be in the 1%!
 
More hospital humor. Last night I woke about 3:00 a.m. with something stuck in my eye. I walked down to the nurses station and asked for assistance. She said we should return to the bathroom in my semi-private room because it had better lighting. Turns out it was an eyelash. Here's the gist of the conversation.
Nurse: What am I looking for?
Me: It feels pretty big.
Nurse: Let me rub over here. Do you feel that?
Me: No not there.
Nurse: How about here?
Me: Nope.
Nurse: It's still in there?
Me: Yes.
Nurse: Oh, THERE it is. I got it. Feel any better?
Me: Yes, but you better make sure you got it all.
Nurse: Okay, I think we're good.

Opened the door to the bathroom and in the dark I could see my roommate was awake, eyes big as saucers. I just let him stew on it. Next morning when breakfast came he had to ask, "Well, was it any good? And I don't mean the food." Hah. Like an old sack of wrinkles like me could score with that young dolly! Pfft. I just smiled. I told the nurse when she came on shift tonight. She got a good laugh.
 
Masks are required here in the hospital. A nasty flu bug is still making the rounds.

Nurse comes in to take the patient's vitals and he asks, "Are my testicles black?" What? "Are my testicles black?" So she pulls up his gown and carefully examines his junk. "No sir, everything seems okay down there." Patient pulls down his mask: "Well, that was fun. But I'd still like to know if my test results are back?" :D
 
They better get you out of there soon….and your roommate…..
 
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