What is the funniest thing you've heard lately?

ArmyGrunt

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I work on an ambulance as a Paramedic. I see things and hear things and do things that are sometimes just too funny. What is the funniest thing you've heard?

I picked up a guy today from an emergency room lobby. He was cleared to go home, but was unhappy he didn't get three med prescriptions refilled. As I pull the cot out of the back of the truck at the other ER we have in town he's talking about his pain doctor. "My pain doctor is Dr Salmon Patty"

I nearly dropped the cot!
 
My wife is a teacher at a preschool. She is one of those people that walk into a room and the kids just gravitate to her with instantaneous trust.

So one day last week one of her kids at the school, a terribly sweet little boy, comes up to her and says, "Miss Donna, do you see that boy over there?" She says yes and the little guy then says to my wife, "Well, that boy just said, 'This is bullshit.""
 
A guy was talking to me and a friend and asked if we'd do some volunteer work, telling us it wouldn't require much effort on our part.

My friend said, "I'm willing to do the bare minimum. As long as it fits in my schedule." :E Confused:
 
A news station said that "they are celebrating great women of the United States this month, from Betsy Ross to Hillary Clinton." yeah that's some funny stuff right there.
 
Recently a jr hunt for geese took place near a local park mainly due to overpopulation. One of the protesters actually called the local game warden and offered a solution to the goose problem on the lake. You guessed it. Put up a fence to keep them out.
 
Recently a jr hunt for geese took place near a local park mainly due to overpopulation. One of the protesters actually called the local game warden and offered a solution to the goose problem on the lake. You guessed it. Put up a fence to keep them out.

And they breed....
 
This is not recent but I found really funny - My colleague did a trial where he cross-examined a fellow who was claiming serious injuries. He confronted the fellow with a video of him climbing a ladder while carry a bucket of tar to fix his flat roof. I think he went up and down many times! Needless to say the case collapsed for this fellow. After court this guy got into the elevator alone with my colleague. After a few minutes of silence as the elevator descended, the fellow muttered "ya know, that f$%^ing roof still leaks"
 
Recently a jr hunt for geese took place near a local park mainly due to overpopulation. One of the protesters actually called the local game warden and offered a solution to the goose problem on the lake. You guessed it. Put up a fence to keep them out.

And they breed....

And they also vote!
 
about ,3 or 4 weeks ago , around 10 pm after l knocked off for the day
we were taken a feed of fish out to an old cow cocker friend ,he also is the houndsman that takes hound hunting for samba deer , when l get a chance during the season .
its about 40 kms on the tar then the last 8 or 9 km on dirt .
not long after jorja ,my daughter gets on the dirt , maybe halh way Ians driveway we see 2 sets of eyes on the track , thinking they were wild dogs ,the jumps on the gas
but they were gone . into the bush right on a bend .
as she scoots around the bend there t black flashes in the driving lights right beside the hilux.
dionk, doink the girl got em both .
she hit the skids, saying something about , they were 2 staffies (staford shire bull terriers.)
she turned the ute around and went back .
when we got there ,its was 2 small black and white pigs ,
we had a laugh and she wanted some photos ,through em in the back for dog meat.
continueing on to old mates.
when we got down to the house , she parked near the beagle pen as she always does , and wnet over with a couple of blocks of chocolate for them , this she has done since she was knee high to a duck .
while l went in to see Ian , and give him the fish , and put the stubbies in the fridge .
making some small talk while having a beer , listening to beagles baying loike crazy , as they always do when the smell the girl .
five minutes of b/s and he says l bought 8 pigs the other month and they got out the other day , buggered if l know ,but ive only got 6 of em back .
this pulled me up , im thinking how am l gunna tell him we just crunched his pigs , and they are in the tray of hilux
IMG_0761 (2).JPG

right at that moment jorja walks in all smiles with the symphony baying in the back ground,
say s she just filled up all the water dishes in the pens , and something about old lightening .
pulls her phone out and says ian, hows this for a trophy photo
 
Break it to them gently..... LOL
That's a good one.
 
it was bloody hilarious ,once old Ian got over the first shock,of it .that took a couple of beers

jorja girls entry and timimg was perfect ..........

the funniest was while she was turning the ute around she was really upset that she had run over ,what she thought was 2 staffies.
never been any swine , wild or feral in our neck of the woods.......
we were both a little stunned to find they were pigs , all we had ever seen along there ,beside deer ,emu, wombats and kangaroos , was a couple of dingos , and dumped pets , cats and dogs......
 
Funny dog!

ha ha ha , it was to late in the day to be drinking coffee , by then Charlie , that's why the girl was driving .......
 

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