James.Grage
AH legend
He was in the Texas Rose last night at the bar waiting for a beer when a
butt-ugly, big old heifer (a girl) came up behind him and slapped him on the butt.
She said, “Hey sexy, how about giving me your number?”;
He looked at her and said, ”Have you got a pen?”;
She said, “ I sure do."
He said, “ Well, you better get back in it before the farmer sees you’re missing.”;
His dental surgery is on Monday.
Two women are discussing marriage, and one says, "We've been married 10 years, and every night my husband has complained about dinner. Not one night without complaining about the food."
"That's awful," the other woman says. "That must really bother you."
"No, not in the slightest," says the first one.
"You must be a saint," her friend says.
"Why should I object?" the first one says. "A lot of people don't like their own cooking."
Four-year-old, Mitch loved candy almost as much as his mom, Ann did.
He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day.
A few days later, Mitch was eying it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Ann said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand"?
"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head.
Suddenly, his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy.
"Now I can eat them all!"
My seven-year-old son informed us that part of his tooth had come out. We checked and, sure enough, a piece had broken off.
Trying to lighten the moment, I asked my husband, "What do you suppose the tooth fairy gives for half a tooth?"
"Nothing," he replied, "She wants the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth."
An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance. "Suppose your husband were to die," he said, "What would you get?"
The housewife thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot, I think. Then the house wouldn't seem so quiet."
butt-ugly, big old heifer (a girl) came up behind him and slapped him on the butt.
She said, “Hey sexy, how about giving me your number?”;
He looked at her and said, ”Have you got a pen?”;
She said, “ I sure do."
He said, “ Well, you better get back in it before the farmer sees you’re missing.”;
His dental surgery is on Monday.
Two women are discussing marriage, and one says, "We've been married 10 years, and every night my husband has complained about dinner. Not one night without complaining about the food."
"That's awful," the other woman says. "That must really bother you."
"No, not in the slightest," says the first one.
"You must be a saint," her friend says.
"Why should I object?" the first one says. "A lot of people don't like their own cooking."
Four-year-old, Mitch loved candy almost as much as his mom, Ann did.
He and Daddy had given her a beautiful heart-shaped box of chocolates for Valentine's Day.
A few days later, Mitch was eying it, wishing to have a piece of it. As he reached out to touch one of the big pieces, Ann said to him, "If you touch it, then you have to eat it. Do you understand"?
"Oh, yes," he said, nodding his head.
Suddenly, his little hand patted the tops of all the pieces of candy.
"Now I can eat them all!"
My seven-year-old son informed us that part of his tooth had come out. We checked and, sure enough, a piece had broken off.
Trying to lighten the moment, I asked my husband, "What do you suppose the tooth fairy gives for half a tooth?"
"Nothing," he replied, "She wants the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth."
An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance. "Suppose your husband were to die," he said, "What would you get?"
The housewife thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot, I think. Then the house wouldn't seem so quiet."
