gillettehunter
AH ambassador
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada as
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
the illegal immigration. The Republican Presidential primary campaign is
prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be
required to hunt, pray, and live according to conservative ideas about the
Constitution.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to
see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists,
and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer
huddled in the barn," said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
acreage borders North Dakota . “The producer was cold, exhausted and
hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.
When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show
him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but
the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush
Limbaugh across the fields, but they just keep coming.
Officials are particularly concerned about
smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into
electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left
to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario
border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of
Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet,
though, and some kale chips."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing
loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where
liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the
Constitution.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to
buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young
vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como
and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they
can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become
very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the
illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up
all the Barbara Streisand c.d.'s, and renting all the Michael Moore
movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian
economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many
art-history majors does one country need?"
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
the illegal immigration. The Republican Presidential primary campaign is
prompting an exodus among left leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be
required to hunt, pray, and live according to conservative ideas about the
Constitution.
Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to
see dozens of sociology professors, global warming activists,
and "green" energy proponents crossing their fields at night.
"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer
huddled in the barn," said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose
acreage borders North Dakota . “The producer was cold, exhausted and
hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.
When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show
him my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but
the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush
Limbaugh across the fields, but they just keep coming.
Officials are particularly concerned about
smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into
electric cars and drive them across the border where they are simply left
to fend for themselves after the battery dies.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario
border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of
Perrier drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet,
though, and some kale chips."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing
loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been
circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where
liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and study the
Constitution.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to
buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half- dozen young
vegans in blue-hair wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como
and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they
can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become
very suspicious about their age," an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the
illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage, buying up
all the Barbara Streisand c.d.'s, and renting all the Michael Moore
movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian
economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many
art-history majors does one country need?"
