Randy F
AH legend
I headed out this morning for a long awaited weekend visit with my parents. The way some people drive honestly makes me wonder how there aren’t more accidents than there are. Traffic was pretty scarce as I drove eastbound on a divided highway fairly early this morning so I was a little surprised to rather suddenly have a car right on my bumper. The speed limit is 65mph, I had the cruise set at 73, and there’s no other vehicles for at least 2 miles in front or beside me. So… what the heck?! This lady was so close that all I could see over the tailgate of my truck was part of the hood and the windshield of her car. I noticed she was weaving some and sure enough, she was so close that I could she she was looking at her phone…texting I assume. Finally she decided to pass and as she did so, she stayed along side me instead of just moving on. When I realized this I glanced over and this well dressed “lady” in her shiny black Audi was giving me a look that quite easily conveyed her irritation that I was somehow holding her up from her very important day. Satisfied that I had now seen her message, she again looked down at her phone as she tromped on the gas and thrust her little car forward.
That’s when I saw the turkey.
I’d say he was probably about a 15 pound jake and he had just narrowly escaped the front tire of a west bound truck and was grabbing gears and hauling ass through the median, confident in his sprinting abilities. Oh Shit! I was slowing down already but Miss Face in her Phone never touches her brakes and though she’s still speeding ahead, she is only about 5 car lengths ahead of me and still in the left lane and by now doing at least 80 mph. The resulting cloud of feathers that burst into the air encompassing both lanes and half of the median was equal parts spectacular and hilarious. Her brake lights came on then by God!! HAH!!
But that’s not even the best part. I had slowed considerably at this point as I was expecting that poor jake’s carcass to come rolling out the back in one direction or another. But no. As my truck rolled through that massive and most impressive cloud of feathers, it was graphically plain to see that Mr. Jake the Turkey had at the last fraction of a second, reconsidered his method of escape and attempted an aerial evasion that was clearly unsuccessful. He did save me and my truck from any ricochet damage however because his entire carcass (which only had about 8 feathers left on it) had firmly and completely replaced the Audi’s right headlight. (Her car is still rolling to a stop at this point)
I had already burst into laughter at the sight of the cloud. Now as I roll by and see this I’m nearly pissing myself!!
The look “Miss I’m Important Get Out My Way” had on her face now was nothing short of convulsive-laugh inducing shock. When she turned to look at me this time…well…let’s just say we both got a bird this morning.
Perfect!!
I still had two hours left to drive. I think I laughed the whole way.
I felt bad for the world’s most indecisive turkey, but dang, that was karma at its finest!!
Other traffic was coming up behind so I didn’t get a picture. But I don’t care, the cloud of feathers, the naked turkey headlight, an the look on her face is permanently carved in my memory.
…As a lesson in texting and driving of course.
That’s when I saw the turkey.
I’d say he was probably about a 15 pound jake and he had just narrowly escaped the front tire of a west bound truck and was grabbing gears and hauling ass through the median, confident in his sprinting abilities. Oh Shit! I was slowing down already but Miss Face in her Phone never touches her brakes and though she’s still speeding ahead, she is only about 5 car lengths ahead of me and still in the left lane and by now doing at least 80 mph. The resulting cloud of feathers that burst into the air encompassing both lanes and half of the median was equal parts spectacular and hilarious. Her brake lights came on then by God!! HAH!!
But that’s not even the best part. I had slowed considerably at this point as I was expecting that poor jake’s carcass to come rolling out the back in one direction or another. But no. As my truck rolled through that massive and most impressive cloud of feathers, it was graphically plain to see that Mr. Jake the Turkey had at the last fraction of a second, reconsidered his method of escape and attempted an aerial evasion that was clearly unsuccessful. He did save me and my truck from any ricochet damage however because his entire carcass (which only had about 8 feathers left on it) had firmly and completely replaced the Audi’s right headlight. (Her car is still rolling to a stop at this point)
I had already burst into laughter at the sight of the cloud. Now as I roll by and see this I’m nearly pissing myself!!
The look “Miss I’m Important Get Out My Way” had on her face now was nothing short of convulsive-laugh inducing shock. When she turned to look at me this time…well…let’s just say we both got a bird this morning.
Perfect!!I still had two hours left to drive. I think I laughed the whole way.
I felt bad for the world’s most indecisive turkey, but dang, that was karma at its finest!!
Other traffic was coming up behind so I didn’t get a picture. But I don’t care, the cloud of feathers, the naked turkey headlight, an the look on her face is permanently carved in my memory.
…As a lesson in texting and driving of course.
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